Sorry

Sorry, too much to do. I'll post later sometime when I have more time.

The Winter Solstice

Happy Winter Solstice! Today is the shortest day of the year, which means that its time to party like its 2000 B.C. The ancient tradition is to take a large log and to put all the bad energy (sins, spirits, daemons, etc.) into the log and drag it around town collecting these evil things and then burn the log in a huge fire to purify the town and the people, so they are ready for the new year. There is of course a lot of singing and dancing to go with the purification ceremony, which means good times for everyone. In related news the shortest day of the year also means that from now until mid-summers the days will get longer and not darker. Wooohooo!

Good Weekend

I finally got the chance to relax a little this weekend. Lena and I slept in until noon on both days. The weather was crappy so we didn't go out much. I tried not to go at all, but sometimes that just isn't possible. Things are going well. I'm looking forward to spending Christmas in Madona. It should (and always is) a good time. In other news, it was trying to snow here, but all that came down was a wet mush. Unless something changes it doesn't look like its going to be a white Christmas, but from what I've been told it is white in Madona, so things are looking up. Anyway, that's all for now.

My quiet requests

Well Christmas time is here, actually it's been here for awhile, but I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to enjoy it. I probably won't be enjoying it any time soon. In case it anyone was wondering what Christmas in Riga is like I'll start the countdown. The big thing is the Christmas market that has been set up outside of my office window in Oldtown. I remember more decorations last year. The Christmas spirit isn't as strong this year as is was last year or maybe I just haven't noticed. Lena and I are planning on going ice skating on Saturday, which should be fun. The place where we are going should be completely engulfed in the Christmas spirit, so hopefully I'll get a feeling for it then. I have been constantly thinking of the new year and all the hope and joy that I am expecting it to bring. I heard from a colleague that 2005 is shaping up to be one of the most profound years of his life. I'm hoping that 2005 will be a turning point for me as well, and that from that point on my life will be full of nothing, but happiness and joy with moments that make great stories to be told to children and grand-children. Maybe I am expecting to much. The one thing that I have to continually remember is that none of this will happen by me just sitting here and hoping. Which of course begs the question of whether I'm doing enough to make the changes. In truth, I have no idea. Conceding I don't know what needs to be done. I know where I am now, and that it is not where I want to be. I know where I want to be, but I'm unclear as to how I get there. I do know how I will know once I've gotten there. At that point my life should be complete, and there won't be anything left to do but live it.

The Weather.

I think I've been posting a little too much about myself, so I think that I should do a little run down of what is going on in Latvia. Well, its cold, but not as cold as it could be. I remember last year around this time it was - 12 degree C (? 'F). Which for those of you who don't know that means that no matter how many layers of clothing you put on, as soon as that wind blows your going to feel it. It's a piercing wind that seems to go all the way to your bones. Most people don't stand around outside for very long. Along with the wind comes the darkness. For you southerners, which is everyone (except Scandinavia and St. Petersburg). It starts getting dark around here at 3 PM (15.00) and when the sun doesn't shine for a few weeks you start to notice it. Usually around mid January you start to her people asking each other the last time the remember seeing the sun (?Dark City?). I saw the sun on Sunday. I haven't really been bothered by the darkness as much as I was last year. Lena helps a lot to take my mind off those kinds of things. Usually the weather doesn't bother her at all. I really am grateful to have Lena by my side through the long winters. Oh well, there I go talking about myself again when I wanted to talk about Latvia. Maybe next time.

It's Here!

Well things are finally looking up, because I got a call from the package guy. My family in the U.S. sends Lena and I packages about 4 times a year usually filled with junk food, because you can't get decent junk food in Latvia. The package guy is the guy who delivers the packages and he usually calls to see if we are home. Well, he called this morning and said that he would drop off the package this evening, so ever since this morning I've been eagerly awaiting the end of the day so that Lena and I can rush home and have an early Christmas. Lena and I were going to start a new diet today, but I guess that idea is going to have to wait until we eat everything. In other news the one project that involved a radio station is holding its first event on Friday, which should be interesting, and without even doing anything this project is going to help and turn into another project that involves setting up a consultant firm. Oh well, that's all for now.

Tired

I don't really have anything important to say, other than I'm tired. Why is it that I'm always tired after I eat lunch? I think that this isn't good...long pause...what!whathappend? Oh, sorry I must have dosed off there for a bit, but I'm back now and ready for action, but there is no action to be had. O.K. well I don't feel like writing anymore you can just make up the rest yourselves. Bye.

Worst

Does anyone remember afew weeks ago when I said that everytime I say "its the worst day ever" then right around the corner there is another day that's even worse. Well for those of you who don't remember it seems like everytime I say "this is the worst day ever" there is always another day that's just around the corner that's even worse. For those of you whose heads haven't exploded, "This is the worst day ever". Things are going poorly. I seem to be losing control of my life. I don't know why it took so long, but yesterday I realized that I'm not as good a person as I thought I was. I realized that I had made some mistakes in my life, but I thought that a mistake was a mistake and there was nothing a person could do but move on, but now looking back on all the mistakes I realize that I have just been careless. There have been countless times when if I would have just stopped to think I could have avoided total disaster. And while I don't want to be consumed by regrets, I have the feeling that it is already to late to learn from my mistakes. Learning to stop and think is one thing, but learning how to handle a disaster after is has happened is completely different. Preventing the disaster from happening again is easy, but trying to get people to forget the disaster is impossible. The only hope I have found is a stupid quote from and movie I've forgotten long ago "Time heals all wounds", but what happens if you don't have time, or if everyone involved can't wait. How can time do it's work when memory is constantly regurgitating the information so it stays fresh in your mind? Is it possible to fight memory? How do you fight it? Right now that more actual quote that is running through my head which I'm still not sure if I'm going to listen to or not is "Every New Year's Eve is a second chance". I'm still not sure if that's true or if I want it to be true. Right now all I know is that I'm lost. My mind is betraying me, while my heart is staying on the path, which has turned into a rocky cliff leading up into the blinding light.

Thank you for reading. This rant has been more for me than for you, but thank you for participating. If any of this makes sense to anyone, please write me an explanation, because I have no idea.

Worries

Well, another day another thing to worry about. Tomorrow I'm going to finally read my paper that I have written for Lettonia. I still am not sure how I'm going to do, but at this point it has been put off for so long that I am not worrying about it too much. Things at work are getting better. I finally started doing a few things that I've been trying to get out of the way, but that I haven't had the motivation to do. One big thing that worries me that I need to send out Christmas cards to everyone tomorrow so that they get them around Christmas time, but I haven't been able to get to the store to pick them up. I took the night off from Lettonia so that I can take care of things like the Christmas cards. Lena and I still have no plans for New Years, but today our grand plans of traveling somewhere have been boiled down to either the cultural centre in Riga or the cultural center in Madona. My vote is for the one in Madona, because we will know more people and beable to let loose a little more. The cultural center events in Riga are usually full of rich old people that long for the days of the first republic. It is a shame though that we won't be going anywhere like Tallinn or Minsk, but those things will come with time.

A Lost Friend

Today, I got an email from a guy named Janis who was here when I arrived in Latvia in the fall of 2002. We used to party hard and had a good time doing it. He tried to do what I have done and make a life for himself here in Latvia. Its hard to come here and start a new life. Anyway, he moved to California and as I understood things went well there, but now he has a huge credit card debt and is looking to go teach English in South Korea to pay it off and make some money so that he can move back here and give living here another try. I told him I'd help him out as much as I could, but that will all depend on the completions of my projects. If things go well then I'll not only beable to give him a job, but I'll beable to help other foreign Latvians that want to come here, but don't want to work at The Baltic Times and don't speak Russian as to beable to get a better job. Many people have come and gone since I've been here. I guess I'm barely hanging on myself, but I've plans.

Things to do

Again I have been slacking on blogging duties. I have been going months without anything to do and now all of a sudden the heavens have opened up and I don't have time to blog anymore. Don't worry I will find time to blog even if it is not regularly. I have so many things to do I thought my head was going to "Asplode" but on Sun. I sat down and wrote out a list of things I have to do and rank them in the order that I have to do them. It turned out to be 12 things that reach into next summer. I did a presentation for one project this morning that went well and I can finally reveal that I have been hired as a consultant to StarFM (A radio station that just launched a morning show and is looking for help with it's image), which means that I won't be leaving The Baltic Times right away, but I will be sending a lot of emails and going to presentation while working at The Baltic Times. Other projects I don't want to jinx so I'll keep them on the"downlow", but don't worry as soon as something happens you'll be the first to know.