Does anyone remember afew weeks ago when I said that everytime I say "its the worst day ever" then right around the corner there is another day that's even worse. Well for those of you who don't remember it seems like everytime I say "this is the worst day ever" there is always another day that's just around the corner that's even worse. For those of you whose heads haven't exploded, "This is the worst day ever". Things are going poorly. I seem to be losing control of my life. I don't know why it took so long, but yesterday I realized that I'm not as good a person as I thought I was. I realized that I had made some mistakes in my life, but I thought that a mistake was a mistake and there was nothing a person could do but move on, but now looking back on all the mistakes I realize that I have just been careless. There have been countless times when if I would have just stopped to think I could have avoided total disaster. And while I don't want to be consumed by regrets, I have the feeling that it is already to late to learn from my mistakes. Learning to stop and think is one thing, but learning how to handle a disaster after is has happened is completely different. Preventing the disaster from happening again is easy, but trying to get people to forget the disaster is impossible. The only hope I have found is a stupid quote from and movie I've forgotten long ago "Time heals all wounds", but what happens if you don't have time, or if everyone involved can't wait. How can time do it's work when memory is constantly regurgitating the information so it stays fresh in your mind? Is it possible to fight memory? How do you fight it? Right now that more actual quote that is running through my head which I'm still not sure if I'm going to listen to or not is "Every New Year's Eve is a second chance". I'm still not sure if that's true or if I want it to be true. Right now all I know is that I'm lost. My mind is betraying me, while my heart is staying on the path, which has turned into a rocky cliff leading up into the blinding light.
Thank you for reading. This rant has been more for me than for you, but thank you for participating. If any of this makes sense to anyone, please write me an explanation, because I have no idea.
